I have now been in Bhutan a little over a year and I still feel pretty friendless. Sure I know a lot more people then I did a year ago.  And some of them are fun, interesting, inspiring and even occasionally really good company.  But I can’t call any of them and make spontaneous plans,  A walk, a drink, a coffee. In fact too many time I can’t even really count on any of them to show up when we make plans in advance. They rarely show up for things that I spent time organizing, even when I explicitly invite them.  Admittedly there are also invitations I turn down, people who I decide I don’t want to get to know better, who I don’t want to tell my secrets hurts and hopes to.

I whine aloud about my friendless state  frequently. And I think about it a lot in private too. Once in a while it keeps me up– is it me? Am I too boring? Too lame? Too unfriend-like?

I tell me students all the time that  skills worth having : writing well, thinking critically, being a good public speaker require, hard work and practice.  Yet like all good advice that is much easier to explain to someone then apply in your own life. Which is why this article about the work that goes into making friend as an adult made me happy. The analogy of courting  was perfect because just like in romance the potential for being disappointing , for realizing there is no chemistry, for getting rejected and hurt, that is all there too.

And knowing that is not just me, that lots of other perfectly normal and interesting adults in way cooler cities are finding making friends hard is such a relief.

Time to roll up my sleeves and get back out there!

 

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